Final orientation before college

So today I attended Dawson College’s “Welcome Day” which is pretty much just an orientation session to let students know their way around and what to expect. So I’ve had a run down on things, and everything seems about as peachy as things can be.

I don’t know anyone in my Computer Science class, and I doubt many of them do either, so there’s a very strange aura of silence during question periods, and the lectures from the staff is once in a while interrupted by quiet laughter when one of the teachers make a dry joke. There’s about 40-something students in my class I suppose. Majority would have to be male with either 1 or 3 girls to balance things out. From what I’ve noted there is, I believe to be, 4 Asians in the group including me. So I’d say its a rather focused group.

The main concentration of the course will be in the programming classes. The core language of choice is to be Java, with some minor introductions to C#. A cool thing I’ve learnt is that Dawson happens to be in a “Academic Alliance” with Microsoft, which means that I’ll be able to request various development software and operating systems for free. Sounds too good to be true, but that seems like the gist of this alliance. Amongst Java, there will be also some Visual Basic involved. In terms of Internet applications, there will be stuff on HTML, CSS, and XML I think. Databasing will be concentrated on SQL and Access. Operating Systems will be about UNIX systems and Windows Server systems. There will also be various courses on networking, and computer hardware. Sounds pretty exciting.

Seems like everyone dislikes the Internet Applications teacher. Apparently she’ll be boring and relatively simple to pass. My Fundamentals of Computer teacher on the other hand, should be pretty swell. However, it seems as though my Logic of Programming teacher will be on the tougher side of things. Overall I don’t think my courses are too bad. Not perfect, but nothing horrible either.

The school itself is huge and despite following the tour group, I already feel lost. With an estimated 7,600+ full-time day students alone, there are numerous hallways that lead everywhere, with a total of 8 floors (under and above ground floors together), and different ‘wings’ that are somehow incoherently connected with eachother in the most unintuitive way. My locker is desperately small, and I can forget about throwing an average backpack in there (not that I will anyways with the amount of books). Guess you can’t have everything.

So right now there are a few things about college, or as we in Quebec like to call it, Cegep. The main one being that I hope I’ll atleast see someone that I know or am familiar with. Especially when I’m lost. Then I won’t feel so alone. Another thing would be that I hope I don’t get lost, but as it is, I probably will. The next thing I hope would be that non of my teachers are those “difficult” types or asshats. And I guess the final thing on my mind that everyone probably has, is that I really hope I can pass this course.

Time of my life.

Well, last night was my prom night celebrating our high-school graduation. It is a time of joyous celebrations and an uplifting spirit in the air. Yet I have that feeling of indecision, uncertainty, and lack of hope that has been manifesting itself for a few weeks now. Its pretty much been all in my head and has been nagging me for some time.

I’m the type of person who recognizes the perfect opportunity and moment, and has all the greatest aspirations in the world to take grasp of it. Yet I don’t. Its been a lifelong epidemic, and one of those character traits of myself that I loathe. I can certainly recognize the problem, and I’m not oblivious to it. But I can’t seem to be able to take control over it, and its been taking over my social life. Its like a feeling of personal resentment and shamefulness. The feeling of being paralyzed and undecisive in some situations, situations that seem as though the cards have all been played in your favour and are just waiting for your move. And then walking away from it. Maybe its the conservative aspect of my brain trying to reason with me, giving me all the reason why I shouldn’t. Whatever it is, I dread every tick of every single second, that appends that one moment.

This trouble was raised last night. I had the perfect chance to ask the greatest girl I have ever been friends with to be my prom date, and I mucked it up and miss the opportunity to do it, attempting to fight my insecurities, finally mustering up the strength to do it. But it was pretty much too little, too late, and she logs off to get to prom early. Fast-forward to reaching prom. The excitement of the occasion manages to take my mind off at that moment and everything is fine at this point. Until dinner finishes and everyone goes to the dance floor. At this point, I have all the oppertunity to ask her for a dance, and I tell myself that it is the thing to do and that it may be a once in a lifetime oppertunity. Yet, I can’t bring myself to. I don’t know what is holding me back, but it felt as though the only thing I could do is look on. And a certain feeling of shame flustered up, and I question whether or not if I am worthy enough, is this something I want to subject her to? It is certainly a joyous occasion for all, and I just don’t want to ruin it for her. I didn’t want to make the night an awkward occasion for anyone, especially for her. At that moment I felt both helpless and demotivated.

I’ve tried to convince myself that I have to tell her. That I should tell her. But I am still left with the predicament, and I don’t know what to do. She’s a great person. One of the smartest people that I know. She has a wonderful personality. She’s very talented. And she is absolutely beautiful. I absolutely do think that she is everything that I am not.

I am left immersed in my own uncertainty. I don’t quite know what I should do. If I do, I am uncertain if I’ll be able to do it. I’ve received advice. And I’ve also received contradictory advice. But another question that I suppose is the real questions that is consuming me, is whether or not I’m good enough for her and what would her response be? My biggest worry would be offending her, and/or losing our friendship completely.

First post?

This is is my first official post on this blog, which I’ve had for a while now. Not sure why I’ve never used it. Then again, I’m not one who’s into the blogging scene too much. I tend to keep my personal thoughts and opinions to myself. I have just never gotten use to complaining or telling every single issue that happens to occur to me to random people. This perhaps is one of my few attempts at taking a serious look and approach to blogging. Hopefully future posts will be as interesting as this.