Well, last night was my prom night celebrating our high-school graduation. It is a time of joyous celebrations and an uplifting spirit in the air. Yet I have that feeling of indecision, uncertainty, and lack of hope that has been manifesting itself for a few weeks now. Its pretty much been all in my head and has been nagging me for some time.

I’m the type of person who recognizes the perfect opportunity and moment, and has all the greatest aspirations in the world to take grasp of it. Yet I don’t. Its been a lifelong epidemic, and one of those character traits of myself that I loathe. I can certainly recognize the problem, and I’m not oblivious to it. But I can’t seem to be able to take control over it, and its been taking over my social life. Its like a feeling of personal resentment and shamefulness. The feeling of being paralyzed and undecisive in some situations, situations that seem as though the cards have all been played in your favour and are just waiting for your move. And then walking away from it. Maybe its the conservative aspect of my brain trying to reason with me, giving me all the reason why I shouldn’t. Whatever it is, I dread every tick of every single second, that appends that one moment.

This trouble was raised last night. I had the perfect chance to ask the greatest girl I have ever been friends with to be my prom date, and I mucked it up and miss the opportunity to do it, attempting to fight my insecurities, finally mustering up the strength to do it. But it was pretty much too little, too late, and she logs off to get to prom early. Fast-forward to reaching prom. The excitement of the occasion manages to take my mind off at that moment and everything is fine at this point. Until dinner finishes and everyone goes to the dance floor. At this point, I have all the oppertunity to ask her for a dance, and I tell myself that it is the thing to do and that it may be a once in a lifetime oppertunity. Yet, I can’t bring myself to. I don’t know what is holding me back, but it felt as though the only thing I could do is look on. And a certain feeling of shame flustered up, and I question whether or not if I am worthy enough, is this something I want to subject her to? It is certainly a joyous occasion for all, and I just don’t want to ruin it for her. I didn’t want to make the night an awkward occasion for anyone, especially for her. At that moment I felt both helpless and demotivated.

I’ve tried to convince myself that I have to tell her. That I should tell her. But I am still left with the predicament, and I don’t know what to do. She’s a great person. One of the smartest people that I know. She has a wonderful personality. She’s very talented. And she is absolutely beautiful. I absolutely do think that she is everything that I am not.

I am left immersed in my own uncertainty. I don’t quite know what I should do. If I do, I am uncertain if I’ll be able to do it. I’ve received advice. And I’ve also received contradictory advice. But another question that I suppose is the real questions that is consuming me, is whether or not I’m good enough for her and what would her response be? My biggest worry would be offending her, and/or losing our friendship completely.